11 REASONS MANY MARRIAGES FAIL

 

"Never enter a taxi if it's not heading your destination"

Marriage is like a taxi, you shouldn't enter it if it's not heading your intended destination. Don't just marry, understand first who's in the picture.

Below are indicators to look out for: they determine the success or failure of your marriage.

1. Mistaking your partner for another: I have seen marriages dissolve because of some little things one may not think matters. But it does matters. 

There are so many books, records, as well as seminars that talks about living a successful marriage life, how to relate well with your partner, both families etc. But things are not still going on well in some marriages. 

I am not here to condemn all those good books, records and well analyze seminar, but to let you understand that the books you read only serve as a guide to a successful marriage, and does not in any way guarantee a peaceful marriage. 

How to best understand your partner is to know that what you read or listen to has nothing to do with him or her. It is only an assumption that your partner is likely to behave like this or that. And if he or she does that, you may do this or that. "An assumption is likely to be false". 

What am I saying in essence? 

Stop capitalizing by some other person's experience, read your partner and then write a book about him or her. 

Those who wrote those books you read and rely on did it base on the experience they had with their partner in their own marriage. For God sake, your partner can never be like theirs neither will your marriage be like theirs. 

Read books, attend marriage seminars, listen to some good records about marriage when preparing for marriage, but when in marriage, "read your partner and you will never miss it out."

2. Poor Communication: Communication is the lifeblood of any successful marriage. When couples fail to talk openly about their feelings, needs, or problems, misunderstanding grows. Some partners shout instead of discussing, others keep silent and withdraw emotionally. Over time, this creates bitterness and emotional distance. Effective communication means listening carefully, expressing yourself clearly, and resolving issues respectfully. 

The phrase “I thought” will always get you into trouble. Many couples today fail to engage in meaningful communication. Some even live in fear of their partners(married to fear itself). As a result, they are often too afraid to express themselves. Their hearts begin to race when they hear that their husband or wife is returning home.

Think about entering into a contract with someone without any form of communication. How chaotic would that be? Everyone would act blindly, doing the wrong things, and every sense would seem senseless. That’s exactly what happens in a marriage where there is no heart-to-heart communication, no honest talk about what you want, how you want it, what you think, and how you think things should be done.

Always have open and sincere discussions with your spouse. Talk about your differences. Seek understanding and agree on things together. "Never send your child or housemaid to deliver sensitive messages to your husband or wife, messages meant to be private between you and your spouse". Doing so is like handing over the only key to your home to someone else. If your housemaid can reason with your husband, she can just as easily win his heart. In that case, your marriage is already at risk.

3. Financial Problems: Money is one of the major causes of marital stress. Conflicts easily arise when partners have different attitudes toward spending, saving, or financial priorities. Financial secrets, job loss, or excessive debt can also put pressure on the relationship. Couples must learn to plan, budget, and make financial decisions together to maintain peace and trust in their marriage. 

As a woman, "never go into marriage with the intention of making money". If your reason for getting married is to become rich, then you are simply looking for the living among the dead. Marriage is not a business venture, it is a life partnership. If what you desire is money, then you should go get a job. That’s where you get paid for your effort.

As a man, never expect to sustain your marriage with palliative items or temporary handouts. Marriage is a sacred institution that demands responsibility and financial stability. You must find something productive to do, something that keeps your home running financially instead of waiting for manna to fall from heaven.

If you are not educated enough to secure a white-collar job, then engage in honest domestic labor. Work with your hands. There is dignity in labor, they say. Whether you earn wages or a salary. What truly matters is that you can provide for your family, put food on the table, and meet your basic needs.

Remember, "Your family will not applaud you for failing to provide". Love alone cannot pay bills, and prayer without work cannot sustain a home. A marriage without financial contribution soon loses its flavor. So, let your money work for your marriage, because a financially responsible partner keeps the home stable and the love alive.

4. Infidelity and Betrayal of Trust: Infidelity and betrayal of trust have destroyed many homes. Especially in Africa, childbearing is often seen as one of the main indicators of a successful marriage. In many communities, if a couple cannot boast of a child after some years, their marriage is seen as incomplete or even doomed. Sadly, this pressure has pushed many men and women into unfaithful acts, seeking solutions or comfort outside their marriage.

Some men betray their vows by going after other women, hoping to prove their fertility or find “what they think” is missing at home. Some women, out of frustration, suspicion, or societal pressure, also fall into the same trap. But the truth remains that infidelity never solves a problem; it only multiplies it.

Once trust is broken, love begins to fade. Suspicion replaces peace, and what used to be a happy home becomes a battlefield. Instead of seeking comfort outside, couples should face their challenges together openly, prayerfully, and with understanding. A marriage built on mutual trust can withstand any storm, but one that entertains betrayal is already standing on shaky ground.

'Cheating', whether emotional or physical, breaks the foundation of trust in marriage. When a partner is unfaithful, it causes deep pain, anger, and insecurity. Even “small” betrayals, such as secret texting or emotional attachments outside the marriage, can destroy intimacy. Trust, once broken, is very difficult to rebuild. Faithfulness and honesty are key to a lasting relationship.

5. Unrealistic Expectations: Many people enter marriage with false ideas of perfection. They expect constant happiness, romance, or material comfort. When real-life challenges like stress, responsibilities, or personality differences arise, disappointment follows. Couples must understand that marriage requires patience, adjustment, and teamwork. Real love grows through effort and understanding, not fantasy.

6. Lack of Emotional Intimacy: Emotional intimacy means being close, affectionate, and supportive. When partners stop showing care, appreciation, or affection, they drift apart emotionally. Life’s pressures(work, children, or social media)can make couples neglect each other’s emotional needs. To keep love alive, couples must spend quality time together, communicate daily, and keep romance alive.

7. Poor Conflict Resolution: Disagreements are natural in marriage, but how they’re handled matters. Couples who fight aggressively, insult each other, or refuse to apologize make conflicts worse. Others avoid problems until resentment builds up. Healthy marriages thrive on calm discussion, forgiveness, and compromise. Learning to solve problems peacefully strengthens the bond.

8. Growing Apart: People change over time(i.e interests, goals, and values can shift). When couples fail to adapt or support each other’s growth, they slowly grow apart. Lack of shared activities or emotional connection can make them feel like strangers. Regular communication, shared goals, and companionship help prevent this emotional drift.

9. Power Struggles and Control Issues: A successful marriage is a partnership, not a battlefield. When one person always wants to dominate, control decisions, or suppress the other, it creates resentment and conflict. Both partners should respect each other’s opinions and work as a team. Equality, understanding, and mutual respect bring peace and cooperation.

10. Unresolved Past Issues or Trauma: Some people enter marriage carrying emotional wounds from childhood, past relationships, or family background. These unhealed pains can cause trust issues, anger, or fear of commitment. Without healing, such issues will keep affecting communication and behavior. Couples should learn to be patient and, when necessary, seek counseling or therapy.

11. Lack of Commitment: Marriage demands long-term dedication, sacrifice, and effort from both partners. When one or both lack commitment, small problems can easily lead to separation or divorce. Some people give up quickly when challenges come. True commitment means standing together in good and bad times, working through difficulties, and keeping promises made to each other.

Do you want your marriage to go well? Then pay attention to those indicators as listed above.

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Read also:  Major sources of the principles of successful marriages.